Thursday, December 31, 2015

contemplative, with gratitude. the end of the year.


I have sat here for the better part of an afternoon, wanting to document the end of this year, the path we've walked, to tie it up like that is something I could do.

2015 was a contemplative year, to say the least.

We started the year with the shocking loss of my cousin. Then the loss of our livelihood, how to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. And in my heart and head I felt and wrote I was willing, ready and able to let it all go because our lives had been spared, and we still had each other.

Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert.
--Isaiah 43:19 




And time marches on. God is always good, even in the dark times, the trying times. And through His grace and His provision, we made it here, to today. I have a houseful of beautiful children, an adoring, gifted and driven husband whom I take for granted on a daily basis--of this I am certain and most guilty. And yet he still chooses me.




We walk hand in hand, side by side, and marvel and delight in this family of ours, these little people God has entrusted to us. My belly grows full of life, our new baby boy bursting forth. I find myself counting down days already, feeling stretched beyond, my joints lax and my very breath escaping me with the movement. Still, it is magical, and miraculous. A new baby--what a gift.
And these precious children?
Oh, the joy.




We had a dusting of snow--a rarity here on the west coast, and amidst much delight, amazement, squealing and that cozy feeling inside of let's sit a little closer, put our feet up, and watch in wonder--together.





And that is just the point… how the world, moist and beautiful, calls to each of us to make a new and serious response. That’s the big question, the one the world throws at you every morning. “Here you are, alive. Would you like to make a comment?"
-- Mary Oliver

Christmas. New life. Peace. Faith. Contemplation. Gratitude. Tears. Unspeakable joy. Right now.



Illness overtook our house for more than 10 days--but somehow, even in the middle of the fevered hallucinations, the chests wracked with coughing, the endless couch naps and movies around the clock, little ones (and bigger ones) up sick in the night, bodies snuggled up close for comfort and blankets wrapped around and we are all quiet...


There was gratitude. Peace. Contemplation. And it was somehow all as it was supposed to be





And the day came where I could get up and make coffee again, and the gratitude was just there, overwhelming and wonderful, simple and yet so vast.

And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God. Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.
--Deuteronomy 28:2-6


So we reach the end of another year; humble, contemplative--with breath in my lungs, and so full of thanks--and so hopeful for the fresh new year, another clean slate, another new beginning.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come? 
 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
--Psalm 121:1-3
 

so this is my comment. is there anything you would like to say?

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