Saturday, February 23, 2013

balance.

I'm taking a much-needed moment while my girlie has the wee baby man on her lap. if I were to sit and write while he is sound asleep, my words would be soothing balms for the (my) soul, as I am peace-filled and so content when all the babes are slumbering and the air is quiet around me.

that's when it's easy.


what I struggle with so so SO hard is balancing that peaceful time so that it overflows from inside of me into the chaos baby screeching arched back limbs flailing tiny feet digging grooves into my lap while toddlers wail for lunch and big kids and the daddy are oblivious to all outside of what's in their own vision.

just writing that paragraph made me feel tense. the little grunty sounds from a babe who is asking to be nursed, the mournful sound that a bigger babe makes when he's tired and ready for sleep, the way the biggest toddler melts down if meals and naps aren't right on time - add those up and when the mountains of laundry and dustbunnies and dishes and downright   l o n e l i n e s s . . .

and the tender moments with the Hubs are few and far between -


it is a desert, this season. a desert far from selfishness.

(is that a bad thing? no. not at all.)

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
  
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone in silence
when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust—
there may yet be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not
cast off forever,
but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not afflict from his heart
or grieve the children of men.
       Lamentations 3:22-33

balance comes here, five children and us parents and me as the mama who feels broken and mess abounds.

this is my youth.

it is good for me to bear the yoke now, while I am young and strong and willing and capable.
it is part of what will help give me wisdom for the years coming when my body is less able and strong and I will need that strength and grit in my heart and soul.

my 13 year old tallest child, boy sprung from my womb (that feels) not long ago - tells me plainly
and reminds me
the years between him being here, under my wing
and him being gone

are few.

be still and strong and silent. bear this yoke. learning the balance of work, letting go, faith and trust.
it is good.


so I relish the quiet - and lean hard into Him in the chaos, the strain of the yoke bearing its weight into my neck, and steal away moments that I capture with a camera in my hand to remember the ordinary days where there is work to do and I won't remember the sweetness of them if I don't make a mark.

it is good.
baby's calling and the sun is shining.

happy weekend.







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