it's really amazing how your perspective on something changes how you feel about a certain thing -
but what is really, truly astounding is how if you change how you feel about something -
your perspective changes.
like any sane mother, i was intimidated by the thought of driving for 6-7 hours to saskatchewan to see family from our home in calgary, alberta. alone. with four children. yes, only two of them are small, (12 weeks and 21 months), but it is still four children nonetheless. the big ones are so incredibly helpful at times - but sometimes are more exhausting than the little ones what with their scrapping and arguments and hurt feelings and such.
our family is 'between vehicles' again, as such is life with joel - so he provided us with a rental car to make this trip. as we were leaving the city (after my staying up until 3 am to finish packing, making sure my eBay items were addressed and lined up for sweet hubby to take to the post office for me). needless to say, I had my four brown-eyed babes and myself and our things packed into a car. every seatbelt is full. and as we were about to leave the city limits, both babies became fussy. and fussy puts it lightly. amos was doing his little snuffley quick breathing that only i know is him getting a little worked up -
the little jacob man in the backseat - ah, his cranky overtired wailing can send me over the edge. i thought it was a good idea to keep him up a bit late and get him up a bit early so that he'd sleep in the car. hm. think again.
anyway - i was trying to talk about the fact that when i changed how i felt about all this, it all changed.
i knew i needed to ask God to be with us in the car, on this trip, keep us all safe, and I was sure to thank Him for the opportunity to go, the money to get us there and back comfortably, and the ability to prepare and have a place to go. an incredible peace came over me, over the car, over the children. you might think this means jacob stopped his loud, panting, wail that grates in your ears right to the bone - but no, he kept it up for another 2 hours or so. but somehow, isaac, egan and i just recognized he was needing something else, and so we took turns talking to him. amos blessedly fell asleep, cozy in his seat with a full tummy and a clean bum.
we sang, we talked, we looked around at the beautiful countryside that was my home. ah, and after we stopped for fuel, bathroom breaks and lunch, we all sat around the table in this truck stop and my children were happy. all 4 of them. smiles, coos, excited whispers about what to order and can't believe how nice this is and the waitress telling us the now familiar 'these children are all yours?' followed closely by 'they are so beautiful - and well-behaved!' i could have burst. my eyes welled up with tears, i looked around the table at each my sweet babies. amos stirring in my arms, cooing his little 'ooh - ooh - ohh' and jacob intently coloring with his head cocked to the side just-so - isaac exclaiming how he'd give up blueberries to have every day feel this good - (if you know isaac you know this is a big deal) - egan contentedly and thoughtfully coloring a picture and writing a love note to bring back to dad since he was missing out on this grand day and this trip. ah, their lovely hearts. my babies with their incredibly lovely hearts.
four little full tummies and 2 clean bums and much excited chatter and quick footsteps back to the car made for the most peaceful trip back home to saskatchewan i have had in several years. honestly, my new feeling that i asked God to be there, be present, and He was. God helped me to meet everyone's needs, and once we arrived, it felt like only two hours had passed, if that. lunch was at the halfway point, but the drive post-lunch literally felt like it took twenty minutes.
my lovely aunt marianne had a delicious supper waiting for us when we arrived - and she said to her husband, my uncle harland - 'can you imagine driving with 4 kids by yourself?' and i had to butt in and sayno, no, no - i thought it would be hard too - and how easy it was, how peaceful it was, how i prayed over the trip and my goodness was it peaceful and incredibly enjoyable! i saw how my attitude changed how the kids felt, how my aunt and uncle felt, and how my trust in the Lord changed my heart. ah, such good things!
and here we are in saskatchewan. being loved on by my sister too special for words (her gushing over amos makes me prouder and prouder and prouder and so happy God gave him to me, to our family, for me to be his mom, to be her sister, to be her kids' aunt. ah, sarah - you are so special to me).
and with the restorative drive notched on our belts, a peaceful day of children jumping on trampolines and bouncy houses and a nice visit with the auntie and the grandma and bellies full of spaghetti and homemade bread and a deep sleep in the dark room in soft beds -
we are going swimming today. i must go pack and prepare.
(here is an idea of how peaceful and blessed this trip has been. all of my children are sleeping while i've been typing. yes. suck it.)
here's to another blessed day.